It’s a fine balance for me to encourage others to see Myles as they see his typical peers, to acknowledge all of his strengths, and the amazing way he impacts other’s lives, but to still recognize he has different needs. With each school year, this longing to have others know and appreciate Myles as an individual, as well as understand his diagnosis and how it impacts him, creates an opportunity for Gilby and I to get creative in how we introduce him - which for me typically means prepping Myles as best we can and making lots of supplemental materials to share with others. Things we did this year...
I made a social story for Myles to help prepare him for the transition back to school. Social stories help Myles understand changes, environments, and expectations so that he is ready to put his best foot forward from the start. We also created an "About Myles" document for his teachers, therapists, and paras. Although we did a similar thing last year, and many of the staff already knew him, there are always new people joining his “team," so we wanted to again introduce him, his likes, strengths, struggles, along with a little blurb about Down syndrome and apraxia, and lots of photos of Myles. We also sent Myles to school with a "My Summer" book where we put in photos and explanations of the key things he did this summer. Lots of get-to-know-you activities at the beginning of the year center around things kids did over the summer, and this book helped Myles participate more.
New this year was our "A Little More About Myles" book. It’s always an internal dilemma for me as to whether we do something special to formally introduce Myles to his classmates and their families. On one hand, I want him to be treated as much like his typical peers as possible, so it seems counterintuitive to draw special attention to him, but on the other hand, he is different, and kids and parents sometimes have questions about this. By taking control of the introduction and explanations, we can hopefully reduce stereotypes, and make it okay and more comfortable for others to approach us.
Two years ago we sent a letter home to parents about Myles and Down syndrome, and it was well received. People started addressing Myles by name and actually looking us in the eyes at drop off. Last year we did nothing and that was okay too. But this year I kept going back to something one of his classmates said to me well into last school year. I was hanging around after drop off and a sweet fellow kindergartener came up to me and said, “Myles doesn’t talk much, that’s because he’s special.” It was innocent. She adored Myles and was a good friend to him, but her statement stuck with me. It was clear an adult had given her those words. I’m assuming she’d asked one day why he doesn’t talk and an adult told her it’s because he’s special. No harm, right? But I think our kids capable of more; they deserve the truth. It needs to be okay to talk about Down syndrome and how it affects Myles. It’s actually not true that he doesn’t talk because he’s special. He's special because of who he is as a person. However, he doesn’t talk because he has a developmental disability that greatly impacts his speech, it has nothing to do with being special, all kids are special. In appropriate kid language, I want adults to be comfortable talking about that with his peers. I think it will better serve Myles and the other students. Greater understanding often leads to greater acceptance. It’s the direction I want our society to be heading in, so we as adults need to be comfortable talking honestly about differences with our kids. They will be much better people for it.
So back to my dilemma of whether or not to introduce him - A fellow mom of a child with Down syndrome, who actually lives across the country, created a book for each student in her daughter’s class. I caught wind of the book via Facebook (one reason to love social media), and she shared the template with me. We individualized it to Myles, made one bigger book to keep as a classroom copy, and a little book for every kid in the class.
In the little books, we included a message and our contact information to the families -
Dear Kindergarten Families...
Our son, Myles, is a student in your child's class this year. We hope this book can be a tool for discussing the topic of Down syndrome with your child, should any questions arise in the months ahead. Please always feel free to approach us with any questions you may have about Myles, specifically, or Down syndrome in general. We are looking forward to learning more about your child this year and hope your kindergarten year is a fun and happy one!
...Myles' Family
We happened to send the books to school on the same day his teacher was introducing their new Writer’s Workshop series, so she read it aloud to the class as an example of how to create a book, and Myles passed out a little book to each student. They then drew pictures of themselves on the blank pages about what makes them unique. I’m told Myles was thrilled to share a book with each kid and felt so special. That in itself makes it worth it, but it was thankfully also well received by teachers and parents. Hopefully it will help facilitate conversations in homes about Down syndrome, or differences, or simply being a good friend.
Myles’ school emphasizes character building in everything they do, which is one of the reasons we sent him there, and look forward to sending our other two there as well. Myles’ presence, and others like him, in school and in the community is vital to molding these little people into kind, loving, caring, compassionate, respectable adults. A little understanding and acceptance goes a long way.
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