Back to Work

Today marks the last day of my maternity leave, and as I prepare to head back to work tomorrow, I can't help but reflect on what this time has meant to me. I have been dreading this day for sometime now, and not because I don't like my job, but because I don't want to leave these little people. After 11 weeks at home with my three kiddos, I have a pretty good idea what it would be like to stay home full time with them, and I have liked it more than I expected. For the first time, I can say with confidence that I would welcome the opportunity to be a full time mommy.

I'm lucky in that I have a career in my field, and a job I enjoy in an organization I am proud of. I respect my co-workers, and have many opportunities to interact with and learn from patients and families from vastly different life circumstances than mine, while attempting to make a positive difference in their lives. I am able to work part time and provide needed income and health benefits for our family.

And while I am grateful for all of this, my heart has shifted over the past couple of months in a way I wasn't expecting. We have definitely had tough moments, tough days, and times when Gilby couldn't get home soon enough, but rather than making me eager to return to work, this has drawn me closer to home. I always want our kids to know we are there for them, and in the future that might mean a conversation over dinner after a rough day at school, or a phone call from college after a breakup, but right now it feels like it's only in the moment. Whether it be after a fall, or during a tantrum, or from a tummy ache, the comfort they need is immediate. The teachable moments are fleeting.

Thankfully, I have done this before and know it will be okay. Gilby is staying home this week to make the transition easier on everyone, and our new nanny starts next week. And whether or not I ever have the opportunity to be home full time, I can promise my kids that we are, and always will be, there for them.